May 2012
40 posts
Be making lunch
Follow steps incorrectly
Tastes great anyways
Feel like a boss
Killswitch Engage - This Fire Burns
My mom has the French Open on in the background. Without looking at the screen, it’s hard to tell if it’s women’s tennis or porn, they way they all scream when they hit the ball. It’s a tad creepy.
Dear woman in the weight room,
Why did you bring your baby with you?
Will he be doing some reps?
I would be impressed by your buff baby.
But instead he just sits there and cries while you run on the treadmill.
Way to be.
Watch
Slinky is trying so hard
Me: Can I have sex right now?
Life: No.
Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.
Dear Tumblr people that complain about Reddit,
Just remember than 95% of your content comes from that website days before you know it exists.
Teenage girls 364 days a year: My mom is such a complete bitch. She thinks she's allowed to control my life but I don't want to live by her stupid rules. I hope she dies and goes to hell because I hate her and I never want to see her ugly face again.
Teenage girls on Mother's Day: Happy Mother's Day to the most beautiful loving woman I have met in my entire life, there aren't enough cards in the world to show my gratitude for my mother, I love you mom
Obama: I like Coke
Fox News: Obama Declares War on Pepsi
1 tag
Turned 21 yesterday. Was a moderate success.
Summer Concert Line-up looking really good
Halestorm for one
Possibly Shinedown/Godsmack/Staind/P.Roach/Adelita’s Way/Fozzy on Uproar Tour if they come to town like they did the last two years
Maybe being talked into Slipknot/Anthrax
And others.
Yeah
Aw yeah
April 2012
42 posts
4 tags
